let me start off by admitting that this blogging thing is harder than i thought it would be. not that i don't enjoy sitting down from time to time, i just rarely get to do it! although i will not post/blog as much as i planned to, i will make sure that when i do i am very detailed :) i keep a pad of paper and a pen handy around the house so that when the boys say/do something funny that i want to remember, i just jot it down with intentions of blogging about it. here's what I've got from the last few weeks...
i will start with Nolan. i am still trying to be persistent about the 'time out' thing even though sometimes it seems he wants to be there and even asks to go on occasion (stinker). most of the time the boys play well with each other. only if the mood strikes Nolan and he is not wanting to share whatever he is playing with, will he lash out at Mason and hopefully one of us is there to intervene. other times pushing and kicking will happen out of the blue for no apparent reason. i guess this is what everyone warned me about when we found out we would be having two boys close together! 'time out' is the only solution i see working right now. i attempted to give him a SMALL spanking once and he laughed at me. Another time i swatted at his hands pretty hard and he made a face like it hurt but then thought it was a fun game, hence my patience with 'time out' sessions. one time while in time out, he started shouting at me. i love that he is learning to communicate and talk in sentences. its really cute and can be hilarious! he was yelling at me trying to catch my attention probably because i was getting Masons lunch ready and he wanted to make sure i didn't forget about him. all i could hear repeatedly over and over again was, "it's time now Mommy" "did you hear me?" "sowwy to Mason" "i get out!"
i have to say that what i am about to write about does make me feel good :) Nolan and i share a very strong bond and have since he was in my belly. Mason on the other hand has always shared a tight bond with Sean. i think it has alot to do with the fact that when i found out i was pregnant with him so soon after Nolan was born, i felt guilty. i never wanted anything to affect the love i had for Nolan. i knew that my time would be cut in half and i worried that it may mean that Nolan would be affected in a negative way. as all Mothers know, things just have a way of working out. what is meant to be will just be and when i think like that, i feel great about it. they will always share a bond as brothers that could never be broken and i believe that is a gift to them. I'm not saying that Mason and i don't share a bond, of course we do. but by the time he was born, Sean was doing alot more 'hands on' with him than he did with Nolan as a newborn. with that, you can now understand that when the boys start fighting over me and for me, i feel so loved. makes me feel like i am doing my job right. they love me, both of them do and i have no idea where i would be today without that love. it is unconditional love. i remember the night before my scheduled c-section with Mason i had snuck into Nolan's room and stared at him sleeping in his crib, in shock for a while about the change that was coming and then i layed on his floor quietly sobbing. i had no idea what was going to happen or how i would love another! my heart made plenty of room when i saw Masons eyes. it was like i saw right through to his heart and soul and that love came flowing through me immediately all over again. i was happy and grateful. Now (present time) i will be folding laundry, cooking, cleaning, whatever when one of them with come up to me for some affection. arms out calling my name just wanting me to love on them (the best ever) and i will stop what i am doing so that we can have a moment of that. almost every time now, the other will come up to intercept and a fight will follow. but it is clear that they are fighting for my love and affection and something about that just makes me feel so loved. kind of like when you are a teenager and two boys are fighting over you? makes you feel worthy? sorta like that if I'm not making myself sound stupid.
the other night Sean was working late so i had dinner ready for the boys. as i was getting ready to bring Nolan's plate over, he looked up at me and clear as day said, "YO" and i paused, saying to myself.. he couldn't have meant what he said (even though his Daddy sometimes uses that word) so i asked him what he said and he again replied "YO!" it was the tone and the way he said it that i knew he was trying to be cool and i did everything i could not to react too much to it and move on.
this may be a phase also but every time Nolan is asked something, "did you sleep well?" "did you like your dinner?" he replies with "oh yes.... i did" in the sweetest most mature voice.
we have been struggling with his appetite and basically now will just give him pb+j's every night if that's all he will eat. i go back and forth about the approach and for right now, that's where i stand. well, one night i tried making him hot dog bites with macaroni and cheese. he had no issue with eating all of the pasta but wouldn't touch the hot dogs (turkey and cheese sausages). so i put it aside thinking maybe i could get him to eat it for lunch the next day. that night as i was trying to deal with one of his bedtime tantrums, (which include him crying, hitting, slapping, refusing me, and asking if he can do everything and anything but go to bed) he wanted to "play with Daddy" but i ignored and continued to bring him into the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash up. he was pulling out all the stops, asking to go for a walk, see the moon, anything but..... and then i saw this look in his eye, like a light bulb had went off in his head and just as i am putting the toothbrush in his mouth he stops me and says... "Mommy, i eat the hot dog?" my heart melted, i was a puddle on the ground. he won. i quickly brushed his teeth and tucked him in bed and told him to wait and i would go warm up his leftover dinner. he ate it in bed. he was happier than a pig in shit. i took a picture and a video and i will never forget that night.
some of his responses in the mornings after i ask him what he dreamt about: baby Charlotte, snowmen, Mason, panda bear, kittens. when i repeat what he say like, "wow, you dreamt about kittens?" he looks at me with this devilish grin and says "cool man, cool."
we are working on manners constantly. one evening during dinner he looked up at me and said "gimme chocolate milk" and i said "excuse me?" and he repeated. i explained that there is a much nicer way to ask and that he has to be polite. he thought for a second and then said "mommy?" i said "yes?" he said "gimme juice." it was so innocent. he thought i was explaining not to ask for the milk and so he switched his request. i just love him to death but these children are a work in progress for sure.
Mason had his 15month check up. all is well with my big boy. he is quickly climbing the weight and height chart. wont be long before he is towering over his older brother. he already out eats and out weighs him! He may be big and solid but he has a personality of a teddy bear. he is such a cuddler but nobody but Sean and i get to see that side. everyone else knows him as a loudmouth, moody crank pot. he is so cute. when he is ready to get up from a nap, he throws everything out of his crib. blankets and pacifiers go flying. its funny to watch him do it on the monitor. he will even do it before his nap and then cry for me to come and give them back to him!
one more thing before i close. this is about my biggest child, Sean. this was so funny that i had to remember it to include. last week, i was so busy but i needed my hair done in the worst way. its been difficult to do anything for myself these days especially because Sean is working so much and i am always home with the kids. i had just decided to foil my own head and give myself some low-lites. i have been lighter/blonder in color for a couple of months now. since i am having trouble keeping it up i figured i would put more of my natural color back in to hold me over until i can have it done again. this means my hair was darker in color :)
i had left the foils in the bathroom waste basket after i was showered that day. Sean came home and of course we immediately went into the bath/bed routine before even really getting to say anything to each other. finally the boys were in bed and Sean was cleaning up the kitchen and i was washing up and getting ready to get into bed. when Sean was "shutting it down" (that's what we call turning everything off and locking up) he came into the room, about to get in bed with a book and so casually looks at me and says "wow hun, you look really nice, did you do something to your hair? it looks lighter." and immediately looks away and onto his book as if he was mentally thinking and expressing to me... booooyaaah! theres my good husband deed, i dont even need a response for that awesome compliment, yeah buddy, i noticed haha! im so good.............. and i didnt respond for a little while letting him sit with it. he looks up for some sort of reaction and i calmly say to him "oh hun, thanks. thats really sweet of you to notice" and he smiles. i then ask him if he happen to notice the foils in the bathroom waste basket and his look gave it all away and we both laughed. i said "hun, that was a really good try, ill give you that. but if you would have gotten it right and noticed that my hair was darker instead of lighter than i probably wouldnt have caught ya... he literally responded with "i love you so much, you are my soulmate."
even though life is tough, money is tight and times are hard.... im proud of us, we still go it :)
